My greatest fear is losing people in my life; being forgotten by those who I used to call good friends. This is such a big fear of mine because I feel it is not uncommon for it to happen to me. I really care about the people I interact with but when they have to leave my immediate life due to going to a different school, living in a different city, or just moving on with their life, I am unable to stay in contact as much as I would like. I do this because I fear that our friendship was not as valuable to them, so I keep my distance, because it’s my protection from being hurt. If I actively show someone that I miss them and they don’t miss me then I’m hurt and feel like a fool. But if I keep my distance then I can create a false sense of friendship and security and avoid feeling anything at all. But you know what, that’s a shitty life philosophy. I've spend too much of my life sitting on the sideline, never taking action in fear of the repercussions. Making others come to me, waiting for them to make the first move before I feel ok to show them that I care. But that’s not love; it’s a selfish curtain to hide behind, putting the burden of responsibility on others. Love can only be seen in the actions you do for others. You have to stop hiding; step out into that spotlight and be seen. Take a chance to feel something in order to accept and feel the love you deserve. So take responsibility and make sure the people you care about know it.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Greatest Fear
My greatest fear is losing people in my life; being forgotten by those who I used to call good friends. This is such a big fear of mine because I feel it is not uncommon for it to happen to me. I really care about the people I interact with but when they have to leave my immediate life due to going to a different school, living in a different city, or just moving on with their life, I am unable to stay in contact as much as I would like. I do this because I fear that our friendship was not as valuable to them, so I keep my distance, because it’s my protection from being hurt. If I actively show someone that I miss them and they don’t miss me then I’m hurt and feel like a fool. But if I keep my distance then I can create a false sense of friendship and security and avoid feeling anything at all. But you know what, that’s a shitty life philosophy. I've spend too much of my life sitting on the sideline, never taking action in fear of the repercussions. Making others come to me, waiting for them to make the first move before I feel ok to show them that I care. But that’s not love; it’s a selfish curtain to hide behind, putting the burden of responsibility on others. Love can only be seen in the actions you do for others. You have to stop hiding; step out into that spotlight and be seen. Take a chance to feel something in order to accept and feel the love you deserve. So take responsibility and make sure the people you care about know it.
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